coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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