i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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