Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
