I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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