I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
