so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize