I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
