i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
