He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
