Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
