Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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