What a fucking waste of an outfit
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
