i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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