Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Nicole vs. Life
I just threw up on my dentist
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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