so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
