mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
