No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
