So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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