So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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