at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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