I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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