i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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