Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I will pee on everything he values.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
