Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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