My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
