This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I need water and some morals
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
