Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
being pregnant is like rehab
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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