Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
