I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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