Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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