Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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