Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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