Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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