mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
