I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
