yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
