So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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