This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
