my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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