I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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