I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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