he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize