so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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