and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
