She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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