we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
