At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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