She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My vagina is officially offended.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
