apparently the secret to your success is patron
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
