Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
