Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Randomize
