I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize