i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
