Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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