guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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