well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I got inside last night via doggy door
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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