So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
