I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just googled if crying burns calories
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
