I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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