Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
