i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
how drunk are you?
Several
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
