oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
