so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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