I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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