she looked like the before picture.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
