I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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