If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
false alarm, still single
Randomize
