Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
