who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
