Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
