Dude my mom stole all your condoms
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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