Non-Jews are for practice
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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