He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
