My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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