Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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