What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
