what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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