Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
