Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i love accidental penises.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
