We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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