Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
