I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
