I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
