if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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