The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
