I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
