I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
