the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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