I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
