The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize