If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Randomize
