when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Its about making memories worth repressing
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
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